“If there never was another day
with you, oh how I would despair. Never to have sunbeams radiate through your
beautiful hair – what a tragedy!”
Kim moved from a jog into a
sprint. He was still following her, reciting some form of poetry declaring his
love. She was fairly certain that this
time, though, it was something original though. No more of that Shakespeare and
his iambic pentameter. Kim swore her ears bled every time she heard Humphrey’s
over the top drama voice reciting the classic (and would-be romantic sonnets).
He was getting better at running
after her, she thought. She would have to train harder on her mom’s treadmill
in the basement if she was ever going to manage to get away from him day after
day after day.
At one point, she wondered if he
must have a brain tumor or something, and considering the fact that months had
passed and he still failed to understand the most basic two letter word in the
English language, that didn't seem so unlikely.
Her sprint had gotten her across
the field where she was finally able to jump her nice neighbour's fence and jet
through their yard. One of these days,
it would destroy her. Every day it was the same challenge. She had to start taking the long way home
because some of her classmates got in the habit of trying to trip her. No one ever succeeded, but all the same, she
wished it would stop. And today she’d
gotten sunburn, everyone else said she was blushing, but no. Kim’s face was only read because the day
itself had burned it up and turned against her.
No one really believed in Friday the 13th anyway though, so
it didn't matter all that much to her.
She had started running so
habitually and rigorously that the gym teacher had started approaching her
about track and field. She didn't say
anything though, after all, competing against other runners just wasn’t the
same as running for your life.
“I love how much I miss you when
you are absent from my presence which believe me is a lot. I love how little
your feet are, and I love even more your size 5 shoe size shoes--soooo
cute! I love your serious ninja skills.
Last week at the party, I saw you and you saw me and then you disappeared for
the rest of the night. I searched that place up and down. I repeat, serious
ninja skills.”
Kim screamed. Humphrey had just appeared on the other side
of the corner. She tripped and fell backwards onto the sidewalk. It hurt.
“See? I’m working on my ninja
skills too, but I’ll never ever be as good as you are.”
“Seriously? Dude! That line
could’ve actually rhymed!”
Humphrey blinked, a little
stunned, “If I make it rhyme will you love me?”
“NO!!!!” she shouted.
“Why don’t you look up the definition of that word instead? It’s really
easy to find. N. O. NNNOOOO. It’s a really easy word. My baby cousin says
it all the time!”
She pushed herself up off the
ground, Humphrey just watched her just as anyone without an ounce of chivalry
in their being would have done.
“Now then, where were we…” Kim’s voice heightened at the end of her
question, even though her sentence just trailed off and wasn’t really a
question.
“I love how you awkwardly look
away, when I stare at you,” he continued. And just as if his voice had been a
gunshot, Kim was off again.
Henry, the landscaper was working
on her mom’s flower bed weeding the lamprocapnos plants. Kim’s mom, meanwhile was setting up a new
lawn ornament that dad had made. Her
brother was watering the grass. It was absolutely hideous, but mother told her
that it was the fabrefaction that really mattered. Kim wasn’t sure what that meant. She darted
past her house and shouted for her brother.
“Brother!! Brother, where art
thou?” She called frantically, then realized she didn’t want to sound so
frantic, and just said “Farvolo! Come out here right now!”
“Whadd’ya want?!” He called back.
“I’ve acquired an unwanted
gentleman caller!”
“Whadd’s that?”
“Bacon
and eggs! Or no, orange juice! Heavens, Freddie, your code words are so
annoying!”
Mr.
Paxman, Kim’s other neighbour walked out on his porch just in time to see Fred,
a.k.a. Farvolo, spray the water right at her and Humphrey. It turned out to be quite the show when her
brother brought out a toy sword and poked the other boy in the nose with it.
Humphry’s
face distorted into such an atrocity that her wide vocabulary Kim’s mother
couldn’t even think of words to describe it.
“Now
honey, be reasonable…”
Fred
waved his sword and the hose in the air. Water poured right over Kim, and she
knew he had done it on purpose.
“I
pronounce thee a knave, and you are not welcome here to court my sister. Be off
with you!”
Humphrey
scrambled off the driveway.
Kim
plopped right down onto the grass by Henry.
The water was cool, she had been running so long that she didn’t realize
how hot and tired she was.
“You ok
dear? You look really red.”
“I’m
fine,” Kim told her mom.
“Don’t
you have something else to say to me?” Fred asked pointedly.
“Yes,
thank you Farvolo!”
He
sprayed her with the hose again.
“What
was that for!?”
“That
wasn’t the pass-code!”
The end.
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