Long ago in
the wicked land of Bobsmashia there was a secret meeting of black knights.
These knights were the descendants of a long line of black knights who had been
insulted by the royal family of Ducarsis twelve generations before. The King
Ducarsis had told the elder knight, Bob, that he had a stupid hick name and was
not nearly as funny nor as brave as he claimed and that he should never insist
on dining in the royal halls again.
As these
things tend to turn out, this lead to a massive divide in the kingdom which was
then known as Ducaroy. The royal family may have been occasionally rude, but
they were as benevolent as can be. They were like that socially awkward guy
without a filter but who was really actually quite nice when you got to know
them. But the Knights Bob, who were really wicked, had been insulted and the
civil war lasted for centuries.
The fates
had served the Ducarsis’s well over the length of the war and the Black Knights
who called themselves Bob were all but destroyed. Only this ragtag band were
left. They were keen on destroying the Ducarsis family once and for all. But
first they needed to gain the most powerful weapon in all the land. A nuclear
warhead. But this anachronistic weapon of mass destruction was held in a mighty
fortress with but one key and a deadly dragon guarded the gates.
One of the
knights had come across some crucial information for their quest. He had
discovered the secret location of the key. It was actually not so difficult to
find as it was beneath a floor mat
in front of the very gates.
So the
ragtag band of Bobish Knights gathered their riverboats and rowed on to the
fortress. Once they crossed the last bend they found the dragon asleep. So they
crept up to the mat and uncovered the one key to open the gates. Little did
they know that the key was attached to a string with a giant bell on the other
side that rang loud and deep to awake the deadly dragon.
The dragon
awoke and the band of Bobish Knights knew that they were doomed. But instead of
burning them all to a crisp or gobbling them up like a bag of two bite
brownies, the dragon asked if they’d like to go in.
Surprised, the Bobish Knights asked why the guardian was not more reluctant to admit
intruders. The dragon simply stated that he never really wanted the job, he
just needed a paycheck to pay for pizza and sweet new stereo system. He didn’t
really need the job because he lived in his parents basement rent free and
fighting off a band of skilled soldiers seemed way above his pay-grade. The
royal Ducarsis family would later fire their HR department as well as the
dragon for their blatant incompetence.
The knights
entered the fortress and carried away the WMD. Once reaching their homeland
they began to plot how they would use it. But first they must learn how to open
it up. It was made of the hardest steel, so the eldest of the Bobish Knights
took his mighty diamond hammer of ultimate smashing and yelled his battle cry
“BOBSMASH!” Then he struck the warhead and it unexpectedly detonated. The land
was pulverised by the enormous mushroom cloud and no one could live on the
wicked land once ruled by the Bobish knights again. Those on the outskirts of
the nuclear wasteland can still hear the knights last words burnt into the
wind, which is how the kingdom got such an unusual name.
-by Eric
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