Noon Star, 5th day of Morning Sun, Year Eight of the Blood Dragon
Dear Cpt. Barabond,
My name is Bradohn Scratchy-Beard of the Deepcave Clan. I have recently left the halls of my forefathers, where I spent my formative years mining for precious jewels and crafting armor, weapons, and other trinkets to sell to the residents of neighboring villages. The Cave of Deepcave, from which I hail, is well known far and wide as home to the finest dwarven craftsmen in all the land, and at least half of that reputation is a direct result of my fine handiwork.
Despite my clear proficiency as a blacksmith, due to unfortunate circumstances involving a mighty dragon, a hoard of vast treasures untold, and absolutely nothing to do with losing a bet to my step-brother, I find myself without a home and in need of employment. No doubt you may wonder why I have not presented myself to the smithy down the road for a potential job offer, and I assure you it is because I have far surpassed his talent and would learn nothing under his tutelage, and not because he is an arrogant elf who I’d rather never speak to. Besides, a skilled craftsman such as myself has no need for further experience in the working of metals.
No, I, Bradohn Scratchy-Beard, desire a change of pace. Though I don’t have much experience in the ways of the blade, I make up for it with my quick movements, personally-crafted mithril armor, and seemingly endless stockade of confusion potions that were acquired by one hundred percent legal means. I am sure that an esteemed company such as yours would be quick to employ a handsome and talented dwarf such as myself.
As for my living arrangements, of which you will no doubt inquire since you are obviously going to hire me, I am but a simple man. A vast, three bedroom house will do (one room for me, one for my servants, and one for my collection of glass-blown dragon figurines), and constant guards will, of course, be necessary to keep away potential suitors, vagabonds, and angry-looking halflings to whom I absolutely do not owe any money. I would prefer to have seven days off a week, but if you absolutely require my services I suppose I could make you some mail every once in a while.
As a gift to my future employer, I enclose a very rare bejeweled artifact that not only looks beautiful, but is also under an ancient curse – I haven’t checked it out yet, but I am fairly certain it’s one of those good kinds of curses that will bring your family gold for countless generations. Hopefully this offer of goodwill, as well as the many talents and interests that I possess as outlined in my enclosed resume, will persuade you that I am the best fit for your guild.
May your beard grow ever longer,
Bradohn Scratchy-Beard of the Deepcave Clan