Second
Month of the Slime Reign
Third
day of Bloxom
Year
of Monkey
Dear Mr Urberex
of Orc-B-Gone industries,
My name is
Merenwen Calmacil, daughter of Elf Queen Lula. I writing to inquire about the
job posting advertised in the town square, for Security and General Monster
Slaying. First of all, I feel inclined to warn you that I hate questing and I
will not lead or join any group for questing at all. Having said that, I have,
in fact, completed a quest under the guidance of Sisinor the Graceful – whom you
may recognize as the Chief Witch of the Good Charms Sisterhood.
I would fit
nicely into any security and monster slaying culture and environment, as I have
slain numerous kinds of fiends, demons, and creatures. I specialize in killing
Skeleton Warriors, and have slain more than 600 in a single hour, and 1,751 in
a single day. However, my wizard powers allow me to be versatile in all manner
of slayings.
My wizard
prowess is only enhanced by my skill in handling the Shield of Ubiquity, which
as you know is a very large shield. This allows me to concentrate on causing as
much havoc and bloodshed as possible amongst the enemy, with my various
offensive spells such as “boom boom fire,” or “turn your knees to jelly,” and
my personal favorite, “Honey I shrunk the villains.”
Speaking of
jelly, you may have heard that I am the one who possess the Slimy Armour. Do
not let this deter you from considering me, as the fabled smell of the armour
is just that, a foul fable of feeble fibs. It was merely that the previous possessor
of this legendary armour never bathed. As well, the armour has prevent many a
giant squid or Cyclops from gaining a viable grip on me, so I would also be a
valuable contributor to any giant slaying team that you might organize.
Since I am an
Elf, I am obviously a team player, and a fantastic leader. I will keep all your
assets safe from every type of monster or enemy you have or may encounter.
Sincerely,
Merenwen
the Insensitive.
P.S. If Bredohn Scratchy-beard of
the deep cave clan also applies for this or any position within your company,
be warned he is a lying squid face, and he stole my jewels of youthful appearance
and is actually 110 years old.
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