The Tube

Here I am. Clean, fresh and full,

Slid out from my box with one easy pull

Hello world, it is good to meet you

Then placed on the counter, nothing askew

I have a place, I have purpose.

Little I’d known, this experience just scrapped the surface.

At first it was great. My cap fit on tight.

And the rest of me smoothly shone in the bathroom light.

Then one day I awoke to find myself betrayed.

It had come gradually, like a cruel game had been played.

How had it come to this? My heart often wondered

I was pressed in from the center, someone had blundered

My cap no longer fit, now how could that be?

No! Ow! Stop!  If you weren’t so sloppy you wouldn’t have to bite me

My cap sticks, and substance lingers in each of my ends.

My figure’s destroyed, and I thought you were my friend.

No!  You can’t do this to me! You can’t through me out yet!

I’m not empty! There’s paste in the bottom corners to get…

All because you didn’t treat me right.

And now there’s nothing I can do, not even fight.

If you had just pressed me from the end...

You’d have gotten your money’s worth.

And the end of relationships, the Toothpaste's Revenge.

SPIDERS ARE JERKS, by Dima

SPIDERS ARE JERKS

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na.

Spider-man!

I just want your toes.

Don’t hate me.

I just want your face.

Don’t squash.

Wherever you goes

I follow

To get me a taste

Of human.

I’m not a bad person

(Or bug).

It’s just what I do.

Don’t squash.

My life’s about cursin’

Existence

Of people like you.

Don’t hate me.

Oh!  I don’t like flies!

Them’s is lies

Told by entomologists.

No!  I have to say

Who’s my real prey.

I’m an arachnophile  apologist.

I spin a web

To catch your face.

Not filthy bugs.

It’s you I chase.

I really feed

On human hate.

On your discomfort.

This is my fate.

It’s how I live.

Don’t step down.

It’s no big wonder.

Just run.

So you can just forgive

My actions.

And let me live under

Your bed.

Answers, by Dima

Vvvvvvv ker ker vv ker vvv ker.

Seventy-five.

Ker ker ker ker vvv ker ker vv ker ker.

Twenty.

Vv ker ker v ker v ker vvvvv ker ker v

Thirty.  Always chose C.

Vvvvvvvvvvvvvv ker vvvvvvvvvvvvv.

Ninety-six.  Well done.

Vv ker ker ker ker ker ker ker ker ker ker ker ker ker ker ker ker ker.

Embarrasment.

We all heard.

Business school for you.

Vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv.

The sound of a perfect score.

Scantron.

RED CIRCLE

I am what I am. And I am pointless.

I have infinite tangents. But only a single pigment.

A property that produces different sensations on the eye

I absorb most electromagnetic radiation,

But I reflect that with the wavelength near 650nm

Scarlet, vermilion, crimson, ruby, cherry, cerise, cardinal, carmine, wine, blood.

And what else can I do.  I don’t do anything else.

I am 2pi.  Three hundred and sixty degrees,

In the foreground of a white background, I’m the symbol of the Japanese.

But is that all?  I am what I am.

Allegory is in the eye of the beholder.

A target? The bull’s eye? The highest priority?

I do not mean anything of myself.

Who places meaning on me?

I am, what I am.  I am pointless, and red.

But you know what?  That is fine with me.

Imagine, for a moment, if this poem had been about Red Square... 

Leftovers by Lenitschka

Garbage

Abandoned

Forgotten

The back of the icebox is a lonely place

A place where we sit

And wait

We wait

For others

To join us

For once arrived nevermore do they see the light

Nor the joy of being

Consumed

Salad

Spagahetti

Enchilada

These single servings my only companions here

In this place of

Desolation

The mold

Comes creeping

To my innards

We try to evade the green fuzz and stench but still

There is no escape.

Not for us

Us here

Forgotten

Abandoned

We stay, we wait, we languish

We are the lonely ones

Leftovers

The left behind.

Skipping, A Haiku by Lenitschka

One,

Two,

Three,

Four,

Ooof.

Double Dutch is my desire

Yet on my face I fall

Empty Envelopes

As if I could restrain

Watching you board the train

Calling out in vain

For you to stay

As if I could defy

The swelling ‘round my eyes

As good fortune for I

Always seemed to pray

I knew it then and there

But you could not hear

The time you couldn’t spare

The bridge now a pier

The train it leapt off

Into the cold blue

Its destination was

Never meant for you

The letters that I meant

The ones I would have sent

To tell you of my hopes

Now empty envelopes

Weight

Weight.

All I have is weight.

Weight pressing on shoulders; compressing the sinews leaving my bones

aching;

Weight and time; time to think and reason

Time to contemplate the weight

Time to look beneath and wonder

What holds me up?

Does it feel the weight as well?

Is it compressed?

Squished

crushed

If not, does pain exist?

Is it only me?

Am I alone?

What is it about the weight that

pushes my gaze down?

Constant

Old

Alone

Cold

A drone

Carrying

Lifting

Holding

Looking down at my feet

If only I could see my

Face

If only I could see my

Fate

If only I could see

My My Me Mine My pain My weight

Not yours

Mine

As if the whole world was on my

Cliché

My cliché

I get one beautiful moment of rest

The expense of another

The pain of another

His weight now

Do I leave?

Do I shirk what’s mine?

I try

But he’s more cunning

And again its mine.

Mine mine mine mine

Me

I

Do you get the point yet?

I could go on.

Short skirts in the cold

All they say is

I

Am

Cold

Age stricken beings once human

I

Am

So

Old

What is it about complaint?

What is it about

Weight?

I will never give it up.

It’s mine.

-Eric T. Behr

Bad Poems, March '14 - By Sasha

Dust Bunnies

Mom says it’s dusty under the couch

So

Dusty

I think she’s crazy

So

Crazy

I can’t believe she’s making me clean the dust

I’m stomping up the stairs I’m so angry

So

Angry

I’m leaning under the couch

It’s not that –

Woah it’s really dusty down here

So

Dusty

Make sure you clean everywhere kid

I don’t want to see a single speck of dust

Whatever Mom

What

Ever

Make sure you get all the dust bunnies

Whatever Mom

What

Wait there are bunnies?

I only see dust down here

So

Dusty

I bet Mom’s lying to me

Mom always lies

So

Lying

I bet she’s just saying there’s bunnies

So I’ll look under the couch

Mom is annoying like that

So

Annoying

She’s bringing me the vacuum

So

Annoying

There totally aren’t any bunnies here Mom

They’re dust bunnies kid

Whatever Mom

Can’t you see them?

Whatever Mom

I’m turning on the vacuum for you

Whatever Mom

Clean up the dust bunnies

What

Ever

Are you cleaning?

O

M

G

Mom

Turn of the vacuum

I’m not turning off the vacuum until you clean up

No Mom, there are bunnies

What?

Bunnies Mom

So

Bunnies

They’re not real bunnies they’re dust bunnies

No Mom they’re real bunnies

So

Real

You’re lying kid

So

Lying

Am not lying

Whatever kid

What

Ever

They’re coming out of the space under the couch

They’re all brown and fluffy

So

Fluffy

Turn off the vacuum Mom

There are bunnies

There aren’t any –

Woah that’s a lot of bunnies

If you had told me there would be bunnies I would’ve cleaned up sooner

I didn’t know there would be bunnies kid

What kind of mom are you?

I’m a cool mom

No you’re not

So

Not

Yeah I am

Prove it

I’m giving you like eight bunnies right now

Woah thanks Mom

Now clean up the dust under the couch kid

It’s dusty under there

So

Dusty

An Ode to the Dwarf Star

O Star, who shinest so brightly

In the sky

The sky dark like a – really dark cloak or something

In it

Thou shinest

Why art thou so small

Tiny

Miniscule

Dwarfish, one might say

Not that I’d say it, I think you’re magnificent and wonderful and the best star anyone could ask for

I mean you – thou art a bit small and red and sometimes I can’t really see you

But I promise you’re amazing and perfect and I’m sure you’re just as good as any other star

Anyway, Star, Beacon, Light, O great shining orb thingy

I ask thee to grant me one wish

Well, I really would like more wishes but I heard somewhere that asking for more wishes is against the rules so I guess I’ll settle for one

I ask thee for just one wish

One simple

Tiny

Miniscule

Dwarfish

Thought that’s nothing against you of course, my Star

Wish

It’s simple really

Simple for a Star I guess, not that I really know what a Star’s life is like

There’s just this one boy

Well he’s more of a man, really, he’s like sixteen and so dreamy so that basically makes him a grown up adult now right

But anyway he never notices me

Not to say that I’m not important and worthy of having my wish granted by a star, because I assure you – thee – that I am

He just doesn’t understand, O great Star

And if I had just one wish from a Star like you

Even if you are just a little

Tiny

Miniscule

Anyway, even if you are just a little Star

Do you think you ever

You know, if it’s not too much of a problem for a Star like you

Do you think you could make him notice me?