(This story was written starting with the bottom paragraph and moving up to the beginning)
The clerk handed me the
bag without meeting my eye. He looked to be about eighteen and was probably
annoyed I had interrupted his game of Angry Birds. No one came to the corner store
at this hour, and that was probably the way the kid liked it. I didn’t mind it
either, no one around to dial 9-1-1 or kick up a fuss.
I turned the corner and
pulled out my one and only purchase, leaving the plastic bag on the sidewalk. The
wind would pick it up later and throw it against the fence with the rest of the
garbage.
This was it. I was
really going to do this now. No one was here to stop me. No one would stop me.
I was really going to do it this time.
I was certain that the
bottle in my hands would do the trick. I had chosen it off the shelf without much thought. It looked
dangerous, and its contents were probably meant for car maintenance or shining
shoes, not human consumption.
The letters were in a language
I didn’t speak, but the bottom of the bottle had an array of pictures in
triangles; a hand being corroded by a drop of water, an explosion, and a skull
and crossbones, just like the pirate hats I had made out of black construction
paper and liquid wite-out when I was seven. I imagined those things happening
to me; the exploding, the corroding, and turning into that leering skull. But
then, that was what I had wanted. I was almost certain.
I turned the bottle over
and over in my hands. There really was no reason not to. Twisting the cap off I
raised it to lips and gulped it down. It smelled like fermentation and mint and
fire, but I swallowed.
My teeth ached, as if I
had drunk a glass of frigid water, but my tongue burned. It felt like I had
thrown back a shot of Irish whiskey in one gulp. I opened my mouth wide as if I
expected flames to come out. I took a step forward, trying to look purposeful,
but the street lamps in front of me swayed. They looked like grass blowing in
the breeze rather than solid iron posts.
I waved my hand in front
of my face. I think. There was motion that started in my shoulder and extended
to where my fingertips usually were. Something pink passed before my eyes. It
could have been five fingers; it could have been the finger, or a bloody stump. All I saw was a blur. I closed my
eyes, head drooping, like a person drunk for so long she no longer knows she’s
drunk, and then, drunk, awoke to the world which lay before me.
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